Thongs, pubes, and bathing in the pond

Living in Hawaii, you see some things you would not see in Nebraska. Women wearing thong bikinis is one. I have seen so many butt cheeks since moving here. You would think it wouldn't faze me anymore, but it does.

Most of the girls sporting thongs have really nice butts. I try not to look, because it feels like objectifying, but when it's out there it's really hard not to look. Since I'm not a guy, I don't know how to check out the cheeks without looking like a total creeper. I never learned that skill. I am literally staring right at the butts probably with my mouth open.

I admire the girls sporting the thongs. I say, "Go, Girls." I feel bad for the dads of teenage girls who are parading around in thongs and adjusting them "just so" for their Instagram snaps, but honestly, the dads seem unfazed.

I do not employ the thong suit. First, my butt cheeks are forty and gravity has begun to take hold. Second, sitting in sand is uncomfortable enough without a suit up the butt. Third, what if my swimsuit shifts, and I end up showing my brown star to the world?

Nowadays I expect to see thong swimsuits at the beach or on their way to the beach. I do not expect to see thongs at yoga. But... the other I went to yoga and the teacher was wearing red, sheer Princess Jasmine pants and when she bent over I saw her red thong. I averted my gaze, breathed, and did an inversion.

I really love this teacher. She taught a great class. Her cues were amazing. She had us in eagle arms and legs on the floor and it was really hard. I was sweating.

The day before a girl in my yoga studio wore...what I suppose is a spandex body suit, which looked like a white, sheer wrestling singlet. She wore a white thong and no bra. The body suit was cut quite low. During child's pose, I kept sneaking looks over to see if the singlet was holding everything in. She had an amazing 20 year old figure and probably teaches yoga.

On Mother's Day my sister and I walked downtown to get breakfast. Instead of waiting in the crowded restaurant, we walked around the block to the lily pad park (Kalākaua Park) so The Heir Apparent could get out of his stroller and crawl around in the grass. There is a large homeless population in Hilo, and a lot of the homeless hang out at the lily pad park. So, you never know what you might see. As we were leaving, we saw a man walking on the other side of the pond calling the pond a mother-blanker. Then he dipped his hand down into the green algae filled water and proceeded to wash his head.

While gawking at the morning bath, I nearly stepped on a sunbathing man. Sunbather's mesh shorts were slung so low that his pubes were hanging out. I asked my sister if it wasn't just stomach hair, and she said, "Those were definitely pubes."

As we left the park my sister asked, "Does that make you miss Nebraska? Where you can walk downtown and not see pubes taking a sunbath."

"No," I laughed.

I miss Nebraska for other reasons. The change of seasons, familiar flowers, my friends, Hy-Vee, and the ability to drive to 48 other states. Every day I am grateful to be in this beautiful place filled with thongs and pubes and pond baths while also missing "home." Before long Hawaii will feel like home and my forty year old ass that's been to law school will be rocking a thong at yoga and the beach.